literature

My greatest fear

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Literature Text

That's great...My parents finally put me in a mental institution. They saw the photos and writings I've been posting on the internet and thought this time my problem was really serious.

"You better take advantage of your stay here and get better. Don't even think about being silent in the sessions young lady, after all this hospital is pretty expensive and your father is doing a huge effort to pay", my mother said.

The place really looks like a five-star hotel. The administrator was showing the hospital to my parents and me like a real estate agent showing a nice house in some nice neighbourhood.
He was telling about the huge garden, the excellent library - "I heard you like to read a lot", he said to me with his phony friendly smile,  what a jackass - the art therapy room. He also said the bedrooms are individual, which is good, I don't like to loose my privacy - not that I will have some all the time, but at least during the night I can be alone.

"The doctors are excellent, they graduated in excellent colleges, blah, blah...." I stopped paying attention to the bullshit my parents and the administrator were saying.
I looked the surroundings, saw the patients. "It doesn't matter how good those fucking doctors are, how fancy are the furniture, the design, the garden, the library (probably you will be so doped that you won't even be able to read the damn posters); all mental hospitals are the same: a storehouse for crazy people. Look the patients how they are, all calm and quiet like hypnotized sheeps, fucking hell!! What the fuck did you get yourself into this time?"

The administrator, Wilson was his name, called a nurse and said to me: "This nurse is going to take you to your room and I will talk to your parents about your stay and your treatment, ok?"
I looked at him and at my parents, I said nothing, just took my bags and followed the nurse. I heard my mother saying I was really upset and angry at them. Sure I was! They were locking me up in this hellish place for nothing! I know I have issues, some of them pretty serious, I know my head is all fucked up, I am not stupid! But putting me in a nuthouse won't work, they will spend a lot of money in a lost cause! It's too late for me. I've been like this for years and I can't be cured and sent back to the world after months or maybe years of internment as 'normal person"!

Anyway, the nurse told me her name was Susan and nicely led me to my room. She opened my bags to search for things I may use to hurt myself. She took away my Ipod (What I'll do with it? Hang myself with the headphones? Swallow the Ipod? Seriously...) I asked her nicely to leave my Ipod but she said I couldn't stay with it, but she will keep it in some locker with my name and registration number on it and I will get it back when I leave. "If someone steals my Ipod you will buy another for me". Nurse Susan gave me the hospital's schedule with the hours for wake up, breakfast, shower, art therapy, the days for the group therapy - "Which is MANDATORY", she said putting emphasis on the word - and individual therapy, the time to take the meds, for outside activities, etc...

She also put in my wrist the bracelet's hospital with my name an number registration on it. I felt uncomfortable and ashamed when I had to put my sleeves up because of my scars. The nurse didn't show any sight of discomfort or anything, I bet she's used to see that a lot. She was kind of nice. I have no problems against nurses, just doctors.

"I'll leave so you can change your clothes and put something more confortable" - she said smiling to me (her smile wasn't phony like the admnistrator's).

After changing my clothes and putting the rest of my things in the wardrobe I left the room. Susan came to me and said my parents talked to the administrator and with the doctors and left. I got upset because they even said goodbye to me. But I guess I'll have to get used to it...after all having a nutcase in the family is reason for shame. I keep thinking what excuses they will say to people to explain my long absence. Maybe they will say I went to São Paulo for a job offer or that I moved out to London like I always wanted...who knows...

"Patient #1315, Michelle A., time for your pills"

Yeah, that will be my life from now on...

written in july 15, 2010
I am pretty sure this will happen one day, it's what I fear the most...
© 2010 - 2024 hope-is-overrated
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HearColors's avatar
This is incredibly written. You can sense the fear and the intensity, the emotion is real. Wonderful job :D